Five days-a life sentence?

I received a door bell ring this morning, which I was hoping was a long lost friend who had said they would stop by, but it was the postman with a package.  I was initially excited thinking "I wonder what this is, I hope it's something unexpected", then i realized I was expecting a package from my sister-in-law and her partner, so I wasn't so excited, but they were sending gifts anyway so it was cool.
I preceded to remove the packing paper on the outside, being sure to keep their address intact because we had to send them their presents too.  I preceded to take out the presents carefully as to not rip the paper.  I knew that if I made too much sound the little one would be alerted to the presencee of presents inthe house.  We are hiding them in an unused bedroom downstairs, where she can't get into it.  Guess where little on was playing?  Downstairs.  So I had to try and sneak by her with the two presents, I figured it wouldn't be too hard, I mean she was immersed in playing with her toys.  I sneaked down the stairs and just a few steps by her when she screamed "PRESENTS!!!"

I will take a side note here to say that we don't place them under the tree with care because we know that she will tear open every present with no regard for anyone or anything, no matter what we do she will get to them unless we put them away, so we did.  We also realized that if they suddenly appear on Christmas morning, it will really be the whole magic of Santa and Christmas.  She is two so this is really the first time she gets the Santa thing and the presents too.

So after the screaming and me refusing to let her rip it open and me putting it away in hiding with the others, she preceded to cry an pout in her little cardboard box house, and refused to listen to me about the fact that she could open it in 5 days.  She continued to cry and yell, she wouldn't listen to reason.  She knows what the concept of tommorow is, and she will make sure you remebered what you said you'd do that day.  It's just any longer than that is just horrfying to her.

So my question is:  Do you remember a time when five days was a life sentence?  How fast does five days go by now?

Schedules

Okay so I come from a perpetually late family, we were always late no matter where we went.  I have fought not to become every member of my immediate family, it drives my hubby bonkers and it was a big thing at the beginning of our relationship, but now I have it under control. 

That being said I have gotten kind of anal about schedules and timing, especially pertaining to the little one.  I am part of a group where a woman sells her children's gently used clothing which happens to be little ones size that her youngest is growing out of.  So I scheduled a pick up at a mall today to pick up some clothes from her, because she lives about an hour away she only comes in very rarely to the city.  The meet up was scheduled for 2 pm outside a store and so I said that was okay because little one can stay up a little past nap time to pick up the clothes.  She just messaged me saying that she had to go to the doctor this morning so she would only be able to get there for 3 pm which is way past nap time,and if she naps in the car on the way there, I will have to wak e her up to go pick up the stuff and I can't leave her in the car while I do it so I am screwed today, super screwed it means I will have the crankiest child by night time.  I also have to go pick up hubby from work somewhere between 7 and 9:30 pm and have to bring little one.  So I am going to have a hard day and night and it is all because someone can't keep on a schedule.  C'mon it's not that hard, I promise.

Ka-boom!

I want to take the time to say Happy Thanksgiving to the americans, even though our was  in Oct, I respect all holidays.  That being said I am so sick of holidays interrupting tv schedules, yes I know this is bad of me, but it help me chillat the end of a day, so holidays thowing it off really sucks.  Also my hubby get really crabby when they eff with the tv schedules too.  Yes I know we are two peas in a pod.

On another note I am so frustrated with my MIL, ever since we left she has been such cunt, excuse my french.  I don't like to call people that but thst is the way she has been acting.  We try and be nice but we also want to give her her space and leave her be but if we don't call we are the bad people.  Soooooo that being said I am frustrated and tired.  I wish I could sleep more but going to bed when she goes to bed seems silly.

Anyhoo things come and go as life does, meanwhile it's time for her bath.

New house...finally

We finally got out of my witch of a MIL's place.  there will be no more passive aggressive crap unless I am doing it, yay!  It took of my will not to kill my hubby during the move, as we decided to move ourselves with no help this time, bad move I know, no pun intended.  But we are here now and everyone is happier for it, we are all less stressed and smell less of smoke.  Oh did I not mention that?  Yeah she smokes over a pack a day because she is "stressed", like all the time apparently.  And she had no qualms doing it with my child in the house, even though the deal was she stop smoking entirely.  Well enough ranting about her, it is over and done, no more, yay!!  The new house is still being unpacked and it's going to take a while.  Though I have a goal, hubby and I agreed if I could get the house unpacked we could turn on the gas fireplace after, so needless to say it is getting done asap.

I also realized as we were moving how much crap daughter has, like 2-3 BIG boxes of toys.  She's two?!?  How does she have so much stuff?  I guess it's probably our fault, but she is a little consumer too, every time we look at goodwill for stuff, she has to get a toy, it's usually small but it's some thing and those somethings add up to aparently 2-3 BIG boxes.
Well I guess it's time to clear out anyway

I guess it's time to get back to unpacking, ugh!

Halloween Caught on Quick

So she had her first real Halloween, old enough to understand the concept and want the candy.  She was a little angry at the costume when I first out it on (a super cute zebra, btw) and she was screaming till she got out the door.  It had snowed the day befroe so there was snow on the ground, and MAN it was COLD.  So she agreed to put up the hood of her costume which would keep her ears warm, even more cute.


I had to put her onto the first front door to get the candy, and at that point she refused to hold her bucket, so I was holding it, and I had to say "merci" because we were in Gatineau at a friends house, but once she saw she got candy she was all in.  She then started started running to the next house, holding the bucket, and pulling me along.  Daddy just happened to show up just then so she wanted daddy to hold her hand, she is a daddy's girl can you tell?  So she and daddy ran from house to house, and about 2 houses in she started yelling "CANDY!", so that was funny beyond belief.


She also started saying "allo!"(french pronunciation, of course) at every house knowing they would say it back.  Then about halfway she started saying "thanks merci", which I was so proud of, my little bilingual child....   That quickly degraded to "thanks much" which again made me laugh even harder because every single house started laughing too when she said it.

We did one block and a couple extra houses, and she was cold and tired, she also got poked in the eye with an inflatable wing, which did not go over well.  I would have yelled at the kid who did it but it was daddy who was with her at the time, so I didn't get to.

Oh and one last thing, her bucket was small so we brought a pillowcase for transferring to.  So the first transfer I emptied all of it, and I gave her back the bucket and she saw that it was empty, and she started yelling "chips mummy chips!", the one thing she noticed that the bag of chips was gone, so  I had to put back the bag of chips so she would stop yelling in the middle of the road.  She is so funny and precious, she almost makes up for her terrible two's...almost. 

All in all Halloween was a hit, can't wait till Christmas!

Okay so I am a horrible mother

I went to church yesterday, which I should be doing more often but monkey has been a terror in church lately, which makes it hard to justify going.  That being said I had planned to go with a couple we are friends with and they were there to pick up the fish in the the couryard pond, like they do every winter, then they return them in the spring.

Funnily enough in an off shoot of the the story they returned the 3 fish last spring and now there were 9-10 of them, they were getting busy aparently.

So after church we all went down to the pond to catch the fish and bring them back to their house, then have a nice lunch.  Monkey decided to run around the sundial in the courtyard, which was fine till she saw the fish in the pond, and she loves fish.  She came to the edge of the pond to look, and then no one knows what happened, until we all noticed she fell in the pond, bare legs and all.  It was not a deep pond, like maybe 3-4 inches and her head never even hit the water, but man was she mad and COLD.  So we immediately got her out and got her out of her wet clothes and wrapped in our jackets and sweaters.

The part that makes me a bad mom is the fact that I could not stop laughing, it was just so funny to me.  The couple who are also expecting a child in March had to laugh too, she is a graduate of the child care program at CEGEP and loves children, but she was laughing too.  I did have some dry clothes for her in the car, not a dry diaper, but clothes are a good first step.  So I feel horrible for laughing,and it still makes me chuckle now.   I am a horrible mother, can you forgive me?

It's okay to talk about it

It's always been the elephant in the room.  People who know don't talk about it because it upsets them or they think it will upset me.  I have come to terms with what happened, why hasn't everyone else?  I know you think it is impolite to bring up such matters around me, but I welcome it.  I cherish the times I get to talk about it, and answer questions, and be open.  Time has passed and my life has gone on, I know it has affected me and it always will but the pain has lessened.  People who I considered friends, now have stopped talking to me because they think that their having children will make me sad or god forbid I touch them because something might happen.  This is not a disease I can pass on, this is not something I would wish on anyone else.

That being said I was worried when she was born, I was paranoid about everything.  I cried more then than I had in a while, but that time passed as she aged.  Now I have the oldest among all my friends, and they are starting to start too.  And yet people worry that this will happen to their children, that because they know me.  If their children happen to be in the NICU too, I can't reminisce about how great the staff there are, and how friendly and helpful they are.  No because that wouldn't be okay, that means they have to think about things that happened.  Why should it bother them more than it bothers me?  I understand people don't want to be sad, that it is painful for them to think of.

I am tired of there being an elephant in the room.  I am tired of friends walking away, and people tiptoeing around me because they don't want to hurt me.

And I do think of it everyday, but my life has moved past the trauma, and this elephant is getting annoying.  I want to be able to say how great the time was, and that I see him in her eyes and smile.  That I am sure he would have been a neuroscientist by now.  But in saying that I know that we wouldn't have her, and she lights up our lives everyday.

I know if it hadn't happened my entire family would be different, people would not have had the problems they did and I feel badly enough, that in essence I caused the problems for them.

I know if it hadn't happened that I would not have become close with the friends I have now, because so many friends ran away as fast as they could, when all I needed was them to be close.

So I am asking and pleading for my "friends" to banish that damn elephant, and get real.  I am here and present ready to be your friend, where are you?  It's like waiting at a train station and the damn train keeps not coming.  I am putting in my effort, where's yours?