Don't mess with this mummy.

Sunday, September 18, 2011

Thanks, I had a horrible time

I went to a baptism this morning where hubs and I were the godparents.  Firstly, it was a very nice baptism and we love our fiends and their son.  That being said, there was a pew for the parents and us, and it was already filled when we made our entrance with the child at the beginning of the service.  So it ended up being hubs and the parents of the baby being baptised in the correct row and I got shoved in the pew behind next to the people who wanted to be the godparents, but don't want children and are real stuck up snobs, so we were the god parents instead, yay us I guess?  Well definitely yay really.  So baptism went well and so on and so forth. 

Then went back to the friend's house for the reception.

Well from there is was the MOST AWKWARD get together I have ever been to.  The friend's families don't get along, so no one was talking to each other or even in the same room.  One family is the most pretentious snobby ass wipes I have ever seen.  The other is much nicer, but still a bit more prone to crazy.  The pretentious family has the fine china policy:  grandparents only come out for special occasions and no one wants to deal with them the rest of the year.  It was so sad to see them out, they looked so unhappy.  That family sat outside bitching about what family wasn't invited, and how they got calls from those members and the wife of pretentious saying "oh well it wasn't my place to be inviting people."  I wanted to smack that idiot upside the head so much.  May I also point out that the pretentious family didn't want their son to marry his wife, because they hated her and thought she was scum.  The pretentious daughter married a jerkwad, who live in the pretentious basement with daughter, they have very little plans to move out until they have their first house built, yes built.  This is one of those fucked up families.  Everyone left as soon as they could because they hate the friends wife so much.  They really should have had separate parties...

Most horrible afternoon in a long time.  I am sure there is more to the story to tell later but I just had to get it out of my head.

Thursday, September 1, 2011


Anybody who would like to see it, let me know and I will re-post.

Thursday, July 28, 2011

It gets better

In the vein of the gay it gets better campain, I thought I would do a it gets better for SIDS parents.

In day one you think it will never stop hurting and in a way it never does stop, but it lessens greatly.
It gets better, it hurts less and you cry less I promise.

In year one everythign feels raw and exposed but I can promise by year two you will feel like the cut has closed, it is till tender but not so exposed.
It gets better bit by bit

In the time it takes to decide to have another child (if you do) it may feel like you are dishonoring their memory and that you are just replacing them but you aren't, you are mending your heart and doing thier memory a great honour by continuing to thrive and love yourself and them.
It gets better when you take care of you.

I know life at the beginning may seem impossible, but life will roll on with or without you an it is always better to be present for it, which is a present to yourself.

the intrepid crafter: [Birthday] Banner Tutorial

the intrepid crafter: [Birthday] Banner Tutorial: "Materials Needed: Scrapbook Paper Rotary cutter or scissors Ruler or straight edge Modpodge or glue Fishing line Large hand needle 6 crimp b..."

Friday, June 3, 2011

His story

I'll start at the test.

It was Oct 30th, 2004, and there is was, the positive sign.  I was 18 and scared, I loved my boyfriend, but this was all so unexpected.  I happened to be out with my little sister and boyfriend for lunch at the mall.  I showed him the test under the table and his eyes got huge.  This was scary stuff.

We actually considered many things before we decided it was too late for anything else but keeping him, then I had to tell my folks.  I was scared shitless, and they were not happy either.  I went and made the appointment to figure out how far along I was.  Before the pregnancy we had talked about getting married and it was just a matter of time until we got engaged, and we did just before the ultrasound.  We had figured out that I was probably somewhere around 12 weeks along, little did we know we were so wrong.

The wand on my stomach and we saw him it was love at first site and then we were told I was 22 weeks along.  Cue jaw drops....  She asked if I had been feeling the kicks and I really hadn't been and he even kicked during the ultrasound, nothing.  I had a lot to learn.

Fast forward to 10 weeks later, we have been told my BP is way too high and that I am on meds and bed rest at home.  It did nothing and then I was on bed rest in the hospital and it still did nothing. So I was off to be induced on the 14th of February, we thought maybe he would be a valentines baby.  He ended us being born the next morning 45 minutes after they broke my water with no pain killers, it was unpleasant to say the least.  But he was doing great when born he only had a little trouble with breathing at birth, he was perfect to us.  He was small because he was born at 34 weeks, but he was 5 pounds.  I stayed in the hospital for a bit till I was all better and I visited him whenever I could.  He was getting so strong and doing so well.  I will never forget where he was in the NICU and how nice and helpful all the staff were and I thank them as much as I can to this day.

He was in the hospital till he was just over 36 weeks old.  He was feeding great and gaining weight and being so cute and perfect.  So we brought him home and although we were in the basement of my parents house we could not have been a happier little family.  He was sleeping and eating great and I was getting int he swing of pumping and all that great baby stuff.  One night I had a freak out saying to my husband how I had this horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach that something was going to happen to him, we talked about it and just chalked it up to me being a little crazy after the whole ordeal of the pregnancy.  The next night I had a dream where I found him dead in the bed and I could swear it was so realistic, I woke up slightly and checked on him and he was fine, so I turned over and went back to sleep.
I woke up at what my clock said was 9:30 in the morning and I thought "wow he really slept a while, I should check on him".  So I turned over and saw his little face at peace and not breathing.  I immediately scooped him up and tried to wake him, I yelled at my fiancee that he wasn't breathing and we both bolted upstairs to the phone and called 911.  They had us do what we could of CPR, we couldn't get his mouth open, thanks to us both being CSI buffs we knew what that meant.  The firefighters and ambulances and police arrived and they took over CPR and we went into another room with an officer and told him how we found him.  They rushed him off to the closest hospital, so we held out some hope.

We waited in the family room and they worked on him, we tried to hold out hope.  Soon they came and told us that he was gone, that he had been gone for a while when we found him.  We broke down and held each other and wouldn't let go.  They let us see him and hold him in a private emergency room.  We had him baptised by our priest and we had the immediate family come too so they could hold him one last time.  We left him to be taken to another hospital then the funeral home, we were crushed.

He was 25 days old, he didn't make through the first month.

We mourned for a very long time and our life went on, together I might add, and we continued out life path.

This February marked his 6th birthday.  We still think of him everyday and we still love him.  He now has a little sister, and she looks just like him and I am sure they would have been great friends and probably would have been confused for twins.  Life does go on and we are living proof, sometimes the sad gets in but we deal and just look forward to the future when we can celebrate milestones with our almost 3-year old, smart as a whip, stubborn like her father, beautiful girl.  Although I always take time to say "I miss you mister William, and I love you".  One day we will tell her about him, and I am sure she will love him just as much as we do.

Friday, April 29, 2011

Time to pack.

So we are signing our new lease at a new place next Friday and I am kind of excited.  I am not super excited because it doesn't seem like a super great place, but then again we saw it on a rainy day when the walls were only primed and not painted, so hubby and I are hoping it looks better once it is finished.  I am happy that we get to be in a place of our own choosing and not out of dire need.

I hope the fact that we have to pay for hydro doesn't screw us over too bad.  I now have to do all the little stuff that is needed to move like book a truck and pack and get our insurance transferred.  I will go get things ready for packing now. Woo hoo??

Monday, April 18, 2011

And away we go...

So we are moving, we are moving within the city because this place coasts too much and we can't afford it financially or emotionally.  The emotionally because we are living in a house that a just over a block away from the house where we were living when our son died, we didn't think it was going to affect us as much as it did (duh, I know).  So we have an interview for a new place at a co-op in a part of town we love on Wednesday, my birthday, and we really need to get it.

On the topic of my birthday, I wish I could skip it, I just wish it could be postponed till I feel like it.  I know it is not going to happen and my family will bother me on the day.  Although I do know that my friends will forget, as they always do, and that always hurts.  Woo...Happy Birthday to me.....

Friday, March 4, 2011

Life rolls on...

Our life rolls on, more like trudges on lately.  We are into the depressing time of year, not winter but the time of the year were our son was alive.  He was alive and healthy for 25 days, and then he was gone.  Maybe one day I will tell the entire story on here, but that is not today.

Lately it has been stressful lately for the above reason and for the fact that we have to move again as soon as possible.  Not because we don't like it here, which we do, not because it cost too much, because it does, not because we are broke, because we are, but because my parents who own the house are being posted to Trinidad and Tobago and not coming back as they were supposed to.  So we are on the hunt for a new place, it long and tedious but we will find one.  We are considering buying a place but it is so hard to find a house for under 250k, so we are even looking at mobile just for not renting anymore if we can help it.  We want land so we can have a big garden and maybe some chickens.

Small fry's terrible twos have not treated her well, it has been hell up until just a few days ago and it seems to have broken, thankfully.  She is getting so big and talkative so fast lately it is crazy.  She expresses feelings and uses adjectives and talks in full sentences, it is amazing.

My older sister is due with her son any day now, everyone is so excited.  It is her first and she had a bit of a tough bit at the beginning, but she is now full term.  Her hubby is so excited, it is hilarious, he has been like that since about 4 months along.  I can't wait.

Things will go on, life will get better, I know it.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

HP laptop sucks

We got a brand new HP laptop in September and it has had more problems than it's worth.  We had to send it in into HP to have the hard disk replaced in November, because that died.  Now the battery won't hold a charge, so they are sending us a new one.  Well how about admitting that the laptop is a dud and send me a new one?  Two major things and the laptop is less than 4 months old.  HP sucks and shouldn't be bought from.  I will never again make that mistake.

Saturday, January 1, 2011

Happy Flippin Holidays

This is supposed to be a happy time of the year, or at least pleasant, but it's not even close.  Holidays round here are stressful and unpleasant.  There are always the in-law problems which will not go away till my mother-in-law eventually dies, which will probably will be sooner rather than later with her more than a pack-a-day habit.  We tried to have a relaxing time with not going over, but that is more stressful than going over.So we had our crazy, stressful, regular Christmas.  Then we changed something, for new years we did nothing.

Absolutely nothing.  We had a lazy day, we ate, we slept, we had a nice walk.  It was a beautiful day, both for us and for the fact that it was +8 degrees today.

We needed a day off so badly that we had come to yelling last night before we went out to our NYE party.

We needed and it happened, this was awesome.