Ugh

Okay so I am in a pact with 2 good friends to all get pregnant around the same time, which happens to be in the next 2 months.  I want this sooo bad and he does to but hubs and I are working through some issues and we both want another child, but we don't want this child to be what drives us apart or have it just to try to keep things together.  We are so torn.

Another issue is that I am at my heaviest in my entire life and I wanted to at least my pre-pregnancy weight before I had munchkin, before I got pregnant again.  At this weight I will be a high risk pregnancy and have to have lots of extra tests and be talked to like a loser by an OB because I got preggers at this weight.  I don't want to wait 2 years before I get preggers so I can loose some weight, because that is how long it will take to get off how much I want.  We also don't have the money to eat healthy, because hubs has a job but not bringing in enough money or hours to support the family atm.

That is another issue, money, we have enough to support a child as we have all we need equipment wise and I hope to breastfeed and we have all of munchkins clothes from birth to now.  So in those ways we are fine but it's just the worry of being short is killing us.  I have finished my program so I can get a job in my field, but there are none open right now, and the amount of time to get even to part time is huge.  And my parents think I should have a stable job for at least 2 years before I even think about getting pregnant.

And that is the last issue, my parents.  If I have even brought up having another child around them they shoot it down so fast that my head spins.  They would rather munchkin be an only child then POSSIBLY have me pregnant when I don't have a stable full time job to support me.  I have been a stay at home mom for almost 4 years and we have done fine, but that will never be good enough for them.  They want me to have a career, why they can't see that I will have one after my children are in school or at least in daycare I don't know.  I mean really, I am only 26, my parents hadn't even thought about having my older sister by this point in their marriage.  Why can't I have my children early in life and work later?  It means they will be out earlier then we were, I mean they are months away from 60 and my little sister is just 16.  At this point I want to have a the baby before I tell them I was ever even pregnant, just so I can avoid them haranging me about it for 9 months and what a bad idea it is yadda yadda yadda.....

Well that is whats going on in my head about pregnancy plans.  Ugh

We got shat on.

So, hubby got fired, or laid off as he likes to insist I say.  They gave him sevrence but he got fucked there too, as they gyped him out of a week of pay, and put all of his pay on one cheque so they took off 1300 dollars worth of taxes.  We really could have used that money.  He has been job searching and has had some really promising, great interviews but nothing has come from them...yet.  Fingers crossed here.

Bright lining here though, we finally are spending time together as a family, something that hasn't happened in a long time.  I get to see him whenever I want, and small fry gets some quality time and has become a real daddy's girl, which is fine with me as I have been the 24-hour parent for over a year now.  Another big great thing is that small fry is almost potty trained!!  Hooray!!  Only took her to 3 1/2 to figure it out, and not scream like we are killing her every time she sits on the potty.  Hubby and I are so proud of her, as she really has taken to it really well and it seems to finally have clicked.  So she will be able to go to JK in the fall, which means I can actually work too, wahoo!  I am on my last course before I am done my program, and then I have a 10 day practical, then I am fully employable as a Sterile supply technician.  I am itching to be done, this 2 nights a week away and all the class work is really hard to do with a preschooler.

But mostly we need money coming in, already hit the food bank, and are ready to jump ship and give up, but with small fry we have to hang in there.  Ugh, wish us luck!